Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
FUCK WHALES
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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