Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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