i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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