I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
