did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize