yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
