I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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