i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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