Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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