I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
