in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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