That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
