You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize