You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
