i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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