There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
