He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
