the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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