I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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