Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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