I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
