Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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