I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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