There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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