"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
