the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
