I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
