The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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