Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
