She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
