I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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