I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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