Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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