SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
