Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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