I'm lost and stupid without you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
