Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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