sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
