The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
