is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
