Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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