I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize