so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
