so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
