he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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