she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
