Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
