I skipped work to stalk him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
