your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
