That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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