So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
