Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
