Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
