I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
