had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
