Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
