No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
