my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
