did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm jealous of your bromance
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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