my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
