is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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