you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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