I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There r osticjed everywhere
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
