You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
