So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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