your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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