I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
