C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
