I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
