His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
